Day 59: When You Stay At Home Folks Stay Away
by Edward Smith
02 Sept 2020
Being Different Makes You Weird
There is a major negative stigma attached to the whole thing, and in this article I want to talk about that, and use this time to hopefully dispel some of that negativity.
You might find this article of interest if you've just taken the plunge or know someone that is doing it right now. Stay at home parents are hard working people. They deserve respect. Get to know them. You might end up being one one day.
The Negative Stigma of Stay at Home Parenting
Ever since I lost my job, and transitioned into the role of a stay at home dad, I've noticed some things. Having transitioned from the working world to the homemaker world, people treat you very differently. It's not their fault. You're just an alien life form. You're not speaking their language.
I've found there are two major types of people. People that work at jobs for paychecks, and everybody else.
If you are a stay at home dad, be prepared for the following scenario.
People will often begin a conversation by introducing themselves to you. After the introduction pleasantries are complete, people quickly follow the intro with the big question. What do you do for a living? This is the question that defines your worth.
I think the expectation here is they're looking for you to tell them about the awesome high paying job, that you have.
They want this to happen, because it then means they can then use the moment to talk about their job, banter on about job stuff and potentially network with you.
It's like when you go to one of those office parties, and everyone is just standing around hobnobbing and talking shop. When you're able to do that, you're valuable to them at a basic level.
If you can't, then it makes the situation awkward. It's like when a boss asks how a project is going, and you answer you haven't even started yet, even though they had expectations that the job should almost be done. You can feel the tension.
When you announce that you're a stay at home parent, you essentially shut down the conversation. You become one of the help. People stop seeing you. They downgrade you from adult to person with kids. Not someone you talk to, but maybe someone you hire later for babysitting.
You'll generally get the pity look. You might get an awkward "oh, raising kids must be tough, how is that working out for you?" comment. Then the conversation quickly ends and people tend to avoid you after that point. You become that unemployed lazy person with the kids. There must be something wrong with you.
Remind Yourself Why
If this happens to you, don't worry about it. It's not about them. Remind yourself why you are doing it. Hopefully it's because you're trying to do right by your kids.
For me, the story goes something like this. Two years ago I got let go from my awesome high paying job. It was unexpected. I didn't plan for it to happen, but it happened.
When it happened, I had to make a choice.
When I was working, I always regretted not spending time with my kids, and it irritated me that strangers were watching my kids more then I was. Daycare was also very expensive, and I didn't feel the expense was worth the price.
So, when I lost my job, I saw it as an opportunity to reevaluate the situation. I got to ask myself what I wanted child care to look like, and what I wanted my role to be in it going forward.
I also had to look at how I would be spending my hours during this time, and how I wanted to value my hours. Before this point, an employer translated my hours into a living wage.
Now my hours would need to be reviewed. Did I want to trade my hours for money or did it make better sense to save my hours and invest them into something else instead. What provided the greatest value?
It turned out my hours always have a value. That's why my employers were paying me for them. Now it was up to me to decide who got to have them.
Want to Know Where I Decided to Invest My Hours?
Check Out My Next Article
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