Day 1: Identifying the Problem
by Edward Smith
06 July 2020
Today I began the first day of my sixty-six day challenge by brainstorming what I wanted this challenge to be about. I decided I took this challenge because I didn't like the way I was spending money. My wife and I have a dream to pay off our house in two years from now. It's our high definition dream. It's what we want our future to look like.
The Dream
In this dream we have no debt. Getting rid of the house payment eliminates our biggest obligation. We get to keep the majority of our income and use it as we see fit. Our future selves get to invest, retire with dignity, and give back in dramatic ways.
Our dream began with a plan. It began with a budget. We sat down together, decided on how things would go, and how our dollars would be spent, and we put the budget into play. We've been doing that for almost fifteen years. Budgets work!
Cheaters Never Win
The problem with the budget is I cheat at a small scale behind the scenes, and sometimes the scale of cheating gets bigger, scarier, and unmanageable.
Every month, I start up excited. I receive my allowance. I divide the money into equal portions. I cover every week with a specific amount. I'm being smart. I'm being careful. It all sounds great. If I do that and stick to it, then there are no problems. I get to buy whatever I want up to my limit, and the house's plan remains secure. That's how it's supposed to work.
Getting Off Track
The problem is that I get off track very quickly after the first week or two. I'm emotional when it comes to spending. At the beginning I might decide I want a beer. I know I only have enough for two bottles, but when I get to the store, I decide I actually would rather have three bottles. That's okay. It's a harmless change. I have plenty of money.
I just push some of the money from week two forward so that I can cover week one's unexpected expense. I rationalize this decision and I convince myself that what I'm doing is a good idea. I'll have more fun if I have three instead of two. No harm done.
Creating Harm
The problem with this approach is it doesn't stop after the first time. I'll continue to push other money forward over and over again until I run out of money. On a good month that might not happen until the very end of the month. Not a big deal.
On bad months I might do it all at once at the beginning. I'll go into party mode, where I keep doing it over and over again. It's like a floodgate opens up and everything disappears all at once. When that happens, things can get really bad.
I feel the looming threat of scarcity, but rather then end it there, like I should, I become the creative and desperate underdog throwing a Hail Mary. The kid in me refuses to lose. He doesn't want to follow the rules of the game anymore. He'll do anything to keep winning, even if the game doesn't allow for the game to keep going.
Playing the Game After Everyone Else Has Left
If I want something and I don't feel the budget is letting me get it, I start justifying ways around the budget. If I have a bad day, I suddenly deserve a prize to compensate myself for the bad day. Why should I be made to suffer more then I have already suffered?
I might grab a twenty dollar bill away from the cat fund because I can see the cats already have cat food, or I might take it from the grocery fund because I figure we won't actually spend all of the money on groceries.
I'm too smart to be over my head. I can't possibly fail. Things will work out. Problem, is they don't work out because the math is infallible. You can't spend money on one thing without it taking away from something else.
When the math would fail, and things didn't work out as expected, the house would end up paying for the mistake. The amounts weren't life threatening, we could cover it, but these indiscretions weren't fair. They were symptomatic of a creeping death. I was choosing to have a moment of self gratification at the expense of my family's welfare. You can't do that.
That's why I'm acknowledging I have a problem, and why I acknowledge the cycle has to stop. That's my challenge. Readjust. Fix it. Figure it out. End it. Whatever needs to happen. Identify an alternative that works, and go with that instead. It doesn't have to be like this. I have the power to change things.
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